This morning began with me thanking God for just all that He does for me and my family. For loving me even though I’m not that best child to have. Then I told Him that I feel like somethings missing in my days. I don’t have the motivation that I used to. Mostly to do with work and personal, creative projects. It’s like I want to do so much, but there’s no motivation there. I felt a bit unhappy at that moment. But it quickly turned around when I thought, “why”. I am beyond blessed in my life. Never wanting or needing anything in any area of my life. I think about the wrong I’ve done in my life and how I stray away from Him and I start to feel so unworthy of everything that I have. How could He still love me, even though I’m continuously doing wrong? Tears are streaming down my face as I just sit there and realize that I have nothing to upset or sad about. Nothing. He is sufficient. He is enough. He is my provider. He is my everything.
Then there is silence between Him and me.
Then moments later, as I’m still driving to work, a thought comes to mind. I really need to pray for this friend, because of X reason. Then another friend comes to mind and I say, I need to pray for them too because of X reason. Then another person, and another person. And start to realize, I don’t pray like I used to. Not even for myself. I don’t pray like I used to before I started my daily work projects. I don’t pray over my day at work. I don’t pray over my team, my co-workers, my company. I don’t pray anymore. I don’t even realize that I’m crying again until I come to that last thought. I pray for my family and protection, health and great days, but that’s where it ends. I used to pray for pretty much for everything in my life.
Everything that I have overcome, done, achieved is because of God. So when did I stop praying to Him for everything that I am doing or will be doing? Why? And maybe that was more Him asking me than me asking myself.
I’m grateful that even when I don’t expect something to be spoken to me, He does it anyway. He’s pretty amazing like that. I hope and pray that one day if you already haven’t, get to experience Him in that way.